I Me Myself by Adeel Salman
Uploaded by eddyslash on Feb 11, 2009
I mE mYselF
By Adeel Salman
What are you crying about boy?
I looked up and saw myself staring at myself. It was a rare moment that occurs often in my life all the
time occasionally. My Mr Hyde was staring at me with dissecting eyes. He was boring into my deep
recesses. I wanted to run away, scream and hide. But there he was staring at me.
'Nothing', was all I could stifle out. I knew he was reading my mind as always. He knew I was thinking
about all the times I had lost. I knew he was laughing at me, laughing at my sordid weak self. Before he
could spit another question in my face, I slowly started narrating the same sad tale that I always had to
tell.
Self, individual, time all felt out of place when I juxtaposed me and what I wanted to be. They say
dreamers are achievers. But for my case I had never been able to realize any of my dreams. I had failed
where I wanted to succeed. I had succumbed where I wanted to rise, I had fallen where I should have
achieved. It wasn't that I was dumb or I was not well provided for with opportunities. But yet I had
failed. What was it that had pulled me back? Was it competition, too many expectations with myself,
hope or over confidence which I thought was confidence. Modern man or should I say man- a poor
victim of all these sad predicaments. Who was to blame? He looked at me with a scowl and I knew
obviously his answer was 'you' or did he mean 'me'... in both cases I suffered... 'I suffered'... I blared
out.
I remember how my other used to tell me whenever I was sad or blue, that look at the evening star. It is
the first one that comes out in th evening. When no other star would dare to show up challenging the
dark, Venus stands tall and opens the road for the little light merchants to light up the dark. I still lift
my head in th evening to take a look at Venus, to draw inspiration, to feed on some hope on an old story
my mother had told me; Nothing happens, nobody comes, nobody goes, it's awful.
The absurdity of the situation is almost hilarious yet is always drenched in tears. We start off with such
robust positivity and this world , the time, the people we meet, the situations, the circumstances mar
our existence...