Enter Romeo and Benvolio Parody
Uploaded by bruceleesdaddy on May 23, 2007
Scene 1: Romeo has just been dumped my Rosaline.
Enter Romeo and Benvolio.
Romeo: What am I supposed to do? How was I supposed to see that coming! I want to be a nun, she says! CuzCuz, life is oh so cruel without women.
Benvolio: Hey, it ok. There are plenty of fish in the sea! Tell you what. The Capulets are having a party. Let go get you drunk. Strike up pipers!
Drums on the desk.
Romeo: Wait a sec, aren’t we gonna get the shit beaten out of us? Didn’t you catch the Capulet-Montague hatred thing in the first few scenes?
Benvolio: Nah, ˜dun worry about. These tacky masks should keep us undercover.
Pulls out tacky masks from second marking period or something¦
Romeo: Sweet.
They exit.
Scene 2: At the Capulet party.
Enter Romeo, Juliet, Tybalt, and Benvolio.
Romeo skulking at the bar with remiss.
Benvolio (apparently very drunk): Hey, wouldjah check the jugs on that one!
Romeo (dazed): wuh?
Romeo looks across the room to see the most beautiful woman EVER.
Spontaneously, Romeo Jumps to his feet and briskly walks to Juliet.
Romeo: Do you have a Bandaid? I scraped myself falling for you. Are you an alien? Cuz you are outta this world! Do you know karate, because your body is kickin!
Juliet blushes.
Large strong man butts in front of Romeo.
Tybalt: Hey small fry. I’ve been watchin you, and you look like trouble.
Romeo: Uh¦..
Tybalt: SON! Are you looking for trouble!!!?!?
Romeo: Muh¦dumm¦uh¦.
Tybalt: Watchadoin wit mah woman!!?
Enter Old Capulet.
Old Capulet: What is the meaning of this fracas! Tybalt! Behave yourself!
Tybalt: But this dood messin wit mah woman!
Old Capulet: But that isn™t your woman¦that Paris woman¦go have a drink alright? I™ll have none of your drama king shenanigans here! To a still shaking Romeo. Please try to enjoy the rest of the party, sir.
Old Capulet and Tybalt exit.
Juliet: Hey, handsome. Wanna make out?
Romeo: Are you legal?
Juliet: I™m fourteen and ripe for picking.
Romeo: SCORE!!! I shall stop thy mouth!
Enter Benedick.
Benedick: Hey! That my line!
Romeo: Shut up, you.
Benedick exits.
Too many minutes later¦
Romeo: Hey, I lost my number, can I have yours?
Juliet: Sure thing. Call me!
They exit.
Scene 3: In Juliet backyard.
Enter R&J
Romeo: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
Juliet: Hey, handsome.
Romeo: It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!
Juliet: Whoa, hold up. How™d you jump the electric fence?
Romeo: With love wings I perched those walls.
Juliet: And Daddy German Sheppard?
Romeo: With love anesthetic needles! Nothing can stop true love!
Nurse: Juliet! Hoot! Hoot! Juliet!
Juliet: I come,...