Life Goes On!
Life Goes On!
I was brought to the hospital by the ambulance. Very thin and exhausted on all levels. I looked like if someone had sucked out all the life out of me. My cheeks were sunk in, my skin was very pail and I had the look of death on my face. I must have been relieved to be where I was. This last six months were about to shape my next 10 years. It was very much the turning point of my life. All I owned was the clothes I was in. A pair of blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket. To be fair on myself I wasn't aware of a lot that was happening. Hallucinations were happening a lot. There was no regular sleep, a lot of vomiting and starvation diets, everything was random with the occasional moments of clarity. Knowing something was terribly wrong. I remember late one night thinking to myself that i had to do something about my problem which became an obsession. I was always tired, a tiredness no sleep could fix. The weight of the world was on my shoulders and it wasn't going to go away. The moments of clarity were more frightening than any hallucinations.
My parents came to visit which helped me be strong. What a quick turn around. Six months earlier I had told them about the new job offering I received and sent them copies my housing contract. I felt very grown up. Successful. Now I was on a death bed, drugged, weak and depressed. I was admitted a few days before they arrived. They went into "what can we do mode." They brought me some shirts, an extra pair of pants, socks and underwear. Much later Dad told me how I made him laugh when they asked if I wanted anything. I replied "Yes, food and lots of it!"
My friend Karen came on that visit as well. Apparently they had to wait around for ages to get in. As they walked through the door I felt this incredible pain in my spine which arched my back and made it hard for me to call out. Fortunately the pain only lasted a few seconds.
My new world was a lot of mixed emotions. I was in a room which seemed to me, more like prison cell. The door had a tiny window that looked...